The sun is blinding me from the back yard on this cold, first day of 2009. I just reread last year's new year's post of mine. Lots of words about slowing down, mammal self, dreaming dreams. Did I do that in 2008? I am sitting here by the fire, taking stock of the last 2 weeks. I took the full 2 week break again but this year I didn't have to give myself the lecture to turn off work. I just did it. I turned my sights to the holidays.

The month was really something. Starting with Julia's birthday and a dinner with family and friends at the house. Then, up to Blowing Rock with Julia and Joseph to get our tree. A Currier and Ives sort of day complete with snow flurries, temps in the 20's, blustery winds. A great moment as a 3-some ( until Joseph developed a raging fever in the middle of the night, but we even navigated that well together). My dear and life-long friend Mer came up and met us to get our trees together. Even though we had to leave rather abruptly due to illness, it was nice to see her and make that connection. Following that was an oddly delicious week of being home with the virus laden Joseph. Four whole days in the house...needing to be here. Amazingly and thanks to a very handsome and tall elf, our house got decorated: tree up, wreath up, lights up. The attention and joy with which it was all done felt like Christmas was coming early every day.

There was a beautiful day and overnight with friendsMaia and Senga, shopping in Chapel Hill, watching movies, eating soup and grilled cheeses at their house with the kids. I asked for a "Christmasy" time with them and voila....we made it so! There was Solstice service, and then Christmas eve service, cider and sugar at my house that night. Christmas day brought Mer back in the morning to watch the kids open presents, and it was a great morning. The afternoon was sweet and warm, and then turned into an evening feast when a hodge-podge of friends and family mingled together in this tiny house, making me feel like the luckiest person of all time.

You see, I'm learning something about living my life right here. I don't know exactly what it's all about yet, but when the scales fall off my eyes, so to speak, I see that what is genuine, what is true, happens. Maybe I don't need to dream a new dream, maybe I need to remember the dream in which I am already. It has something to do with people coming together not out of obligation or enforced parameters, but out of love. Out of enjoyment. Out of wanting to be together. It has something to do with Olivia Walton! And life rafts. And eccentricities. And letting go.

I want my children to know that everytime with them is like Christmas for me. Because of their love and kindness, we had Christmas and more Christmas every day. They embraced the moments with me and reveled in them too.

(from a Ben Folds song...)

I don't get many things right the first time, in fact, I am told that a lot. But all of the wrong turns the stumbles and falls brought me here. And where was I before the day that I first saw your lovely face....now I see it...everyday. And I know....that I am....I am....I am... the luckiest.

I realized a little more about kindness too. I have people in my life now who are kind....I mean they show kindness. They have hearts that swell when love is around. They see love in the simplest of moments. They look for the good in others and delight in genuineness.

To pursue that kindness is my resolution.