Being invisible has its perks. If you aren't there, people can't have any real expectations of you. No one feels any pressure from you, because, they can't really see you. No one makes demands, and no one feels uncomfortable because of you. It works out. You move through life without too many bumps and bruises, navigating around the difficult moments and quietly exiting the room. Folks may have a sense that you were there, but they forget it, shaking their heads thinking they might've seen something, but then quickly dismissing the thought.
I have spent years fretting about this being invisible. I have tried to have it both ways - hiding under my cloak and then nailing people (in my mind) for not seeing me. Nice. I considered it a huge leap forward when I claimed my cloak, instead of continuing to be ticked off that people couldn't see me. For years I was angry that people "wouldn't" see me - blaming them while reaping the perceived benefits. Then, I began to see how that I had control of the cloak device. I began to see it as a useful tool that I could use under the right circumstances. I've said it before, I am blessed with a gene pool of longevity because of how long it takes me to learn anything. As a truly middle aged woman, I am finally starting to get it. It is my choice to stay invisible and it is a cop out. Now don't get me wrong, I've been experimenting with this "nakedness" over the last few years, popping out from under the cloak..."surprise!" For those used to the mere shadow of Karrie, it is quite shocking! "On my god, she has arms and legs and, gasp, a voice." Now what?!
Grow up girl, I say. Claim all that's under the cloak. Be woman enough to bring yourself out into the light of day. Yes, it will mean that you will take up actual space in a room. Your presence will have an impact. Sometimes it will result in others being uncomfortable, maybe even A N G R Y. Or maybe, you can make a difference that matters. Or maybe,(this is a long shot), it will result in L O V E.
For today, this might be as much time out from under that I can take! Seriously though, it is time for me to take responsibility for my own cloak wearing. My over exercised attributes of empathy and unconditional positive regard need to be welded to my staking the claim of being a visible person: arms, legs, voice, hands, heart, intellect, needs, expectations, hopes, dreams, humor, perspective, intuition, experiences....and the willingness to accept the consequences of taking up my bodily space in the universe.
